okay.... this is an open appeal to all my loyal readers....

yeah, both of you

does ANYONE know where i can get an ... ummm less-than-legal version of frontpage 2000?

as *if* i'm going to put another 200 bucks into fruity ol' bill gates' pockets ;b

area crack whore enjoys life

You know, I've been thinking, in this life 'o mine I just don't get enough time to slow down and really live. What with my pimp calling on me all hours of the day and night, and my dealer sending shipments of rock to my house every day, life in the fast lane is really getting to me. I think I need some kind of break - I'm thinking of calling up Mr. Booty and just telling him "No! I do not want any johns today! I am going to stay home and stop to smell the roses!" I'm sick of this life, I really am.

ship's crew uncertain of what to do with inebriated sailor

Early this morning, crew of the HMS Tchatchke found that a crew member who preferred to remain anonymous had gone out the previous night and become intoxicated, without prior warning to the rest of the crew. They have been unsure of what the exact protocol for dealing with this sailor should be, and are currently revising a strategic Dealing With Drunken Sailor plan. "First we thought we could put him in the longboat until he was sober, but that plan was quickly scrapped when we realised that none of us knew exactly what a longboat was," stated the captain of the vessel. "Naval authorities are working on a plan as we speak. We can only hope and pray that this case of tipsiness is not indicative of a larger problem."

and back to a more traditional topic....

radioactive penises invade france

French authorities reported earlier today that many areas near Provence and Orléans have been overrun by giant radioactive penises. The penises, often over twenty-six feet high and spurting acidic semen, have terrorized local farmers, often ruining entire vineyards with a single ejaculation. France's current military force, Jean and Robert, have valiantly battled several of the penises by running away, hiding behind grape vines, and making use of their clothes as temporary latrines. "We will not be of the surrendering to these hateful man-organs!" cried Robert in a stirring call to action in Paris yesterday. "Yes! Those bastards!" echoed Jean. "Now let us go be drinking and having the sex with hairy-pitted woman!"

Here's some things I have to say about music.

First, it's impossible for a mainstream punk band not to "sell out." The first time they get played on the radio, the first time they get TV play, they're no longer underground. Secondly, it's impossible for a punk band, if they're good enough, to avoid selling out forever, without killing themselves a la Sex Pistols or breaking up a la Op Ivy. Thirdly, who really cares? Elitism sucks. You want to debate who's the 'leetest, go become a rapper or a computer hacker, they're almost the same.

Next. All music has value. That thing I mentioned about elitism sucking, I meant it. I love black metal, mopey alt-rock, old school country, hardcore punk, natty ragga, and I can even forgive bubblegum pop if I can dance to it. Don't be so bleedin' conservative.

Finally, skank on, brudders... Us rudies'll get some respect someday... and until then just strap on your Docs and stomp the night away ;b

war is peace
ignorance is strength
cat is not a breakfast food
big brother's not watching you, you're not that important

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

You people are waaay to fockring cool.... just pisses me off.

For example.

www.theqfiles.com is lame. but still gets heap-os of traffic.
www.stileproject.com is a bit cooler, and gets even more traffic.
www.thesatyr.com is almost as cool as geistmag, but gets too much traffic really.

So I've decided to make myself the darling of the E/N community, just like that fruity lesbo site... Yes, I have no website-making skills. I can't even code in HTML anymore. SOMEONE SLASHDOT ME! COME ON! Just coz I'm lame and don't have a domain name of my own doesn't mean y'all hafta be hatin' on me and suchlike. I can SPELL and I have GOOD GRAMMAR, you ASSHOLES, and that counts for A LOT.

*fukkers ;b*

hairy palms afflict millions

Millions of men around the world have found out that their mothers were right, as sudden cases of hairy palms and night blindness occur throughout the United States and Canada. "If I hadda know' that beetch was right, I never fukka massybate! Nevaa! Fukka!," observed local drunk Amosavar Yospleenian. Mothers around the world are unavailable for comment on whether or not one's face might get stuck when making silly faces.

the police suck

An area man realized today that the Police really do suck quite a lot. "At first I thought they were okay, what with the protectin' the citimazins and all, but then when they took to my face with an aluminum baseball bat, I began to have second thoughts." When a police officer rebutted that nobody had ever hit him with a baseball bat, the man pointed out the fact that his face was horribly maimed and crushed, and he had "ROSPICT THE PLICE FUKOR" carved into his chest. "Maybe if I had committed a crime or something, it would have been OK, but for a police officer to just walk up to me on the street and crack my face open was a little excessive."

john f kennedy is back

Due in part to a dangerous obsession with the name John F. Kennedy on the part of Your Humble Narrator who can also control the course of time, John F. has returned from the grave for the second time after being dispatched by Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead 8: Penis-Mongers From the Second Dimension. He was quoted as saying he wanted to 'bring the family back to its former glory' and that he couldn't wait to get some more of that 'sweet, sweet, pussy.'

The Horrible Penis and other stanky songs - now available for download on request.

Polyprophylactic - Original. Because most other producers have talent.

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I'll think up some news items soon, I promise.

Also, I need to get an email working - since anti-social.com is not doing its thing.